Hi friends!
Today we’re diving into something Matt and I care a lot about – keeping the love alive in our marriage. We like to call life with four kiddos a good kind of crazy, but guess what? Our marriage needs to be prioritized in the midst of all that crazy so that the crazy stays good. 😉
So today, we’re going to share some fun and simple ways we prioritize our marriage!
But first, I have to give you the backstory on the pics I shared on IG this morning (also found 12 clicks in on this highlight reel):
Matt and I both love wildlife and experiencing new adventures together. So when we learned of an opportunity to swim with Whale Sharks on our anniversary trip, we were both all in! The only thing is, I am claustrophobic (did you see my recent post about the water ride at Universal with Ryan?!) so I don’t love the idea of massive goggles + a snorkel that enables my ability to breathe well. I was the 5th or 6th person to go from our group and had watched everyone ahead of me really nail the whole experience. Now it was my turn to (obviously) have the same experience. I lowered my goggles, adjusted my flippers, got my dreaded mouth piece in place, and put myself in the ready position for when our tour guide said, “Go, go, go, go, go!!!!” in a very fast and thick Spanish accent. I’m a rule follower and an achiever. So when he said, “Go, go, go, go, go!!!” I went.
I was off the side of that boat before anyone else and in a hot second, maybe 3, I had lost one flipper and inhaled what felt like a bucket full of freezing cold salt water through my snorkle. I panicked and quickly sucked in what I hoped was air through my snorkle, except got more salt water instead. So it felt wise to abort that particular race to the whale shark and instead tread water and cough up all of the not-air I just inhaled before climbing back on the boat and making some joke about how everyone else on the boat really made it look easy haha. Good times….
It did make for a hilarious memory and I learned that jumping off the side of a boat to swim with a wild animal the size of the tour bus we rode in that morning is not actually my jam.
Okay, onto other, hopefully less awkward, ways we try to prioritize our marriage!
I. Regular Date Nights:
Because Connecting is Worth Our Time!
Listen, I understand that everyone has different love languages and that those love languages change in different seasons of parenthood, but repeated invested time in ALL seasons makes for a marriage that does more than just survive the harder stretches of life.
So prioritizing date nights is key, but they don’t have to be fancy or expensive!
Here are my TOP date night essentials:
An afternoon coffee –
This seems self-explanatory! Whether you like to make your own coffee at home, or grab your caffeine from your go-to drive thru, make sure you have enough energy to enjoy the date night! 😉
Clothing that makes you feel good –
Sometimes comfy/cozy is what I need in my life for a date night, and other times I feel like I want to dress it up and be fun… point is, nobody needs to overcomplicate this- feel good in what you wear and that energy will project onto the evening.
And most importantly, an open heart for connection.
Do you need to do jumping jacks before you leave the house to get some endorphins flowing and destress from a longer parenting day? Do you need 3-5 minutes to vent or share parenting wins from the day before you shift over to wife mode? Does a casual night getting takeout and eating on a park bench in joggers sound WAY more comfortable for you in the season you’re in than throwing on your heels and fancying it up at a pricey restaurant? Don’t be afraid to communicate what you need to be fully invested in the evening, and then do your best to fully invest!
Now, let’s get creative with date ideas:
a. Cheap Date Ideas:
I’ll be honest- our most frequent dates happen at our kitchen table or outdoor table! Sometimes I cook one of our favorite meals because I love to cook, and other times we order take out because mama is tired. If you want some creativity in the cheap date category, we love a good movie night at home, complete with all of the movie night essentials: cozy blanket + chips and cheese dip (yes, most people go popcorn here, but we’re a chips and cheese dip kind of fam). Or maybe have a game night? Playing a board game or working on a puzzle? Did I just make us sound really really old? Or maybe a picnic in the park with sub sandwiches and your favorite sweet and salty treats?! Cheaper dates are our fave!
b. Quick Date Ideas:
No time to spare? No worries! How about going for a sunrise or sunset stroll around the neighborhood or meeting for a spontaneous lunch date – quick, simple, and lets the other person know you’re prioritizing them even when life is busy.
c. Unique Date Ideas:
Ready for some out-of-the-box fun? Go on a spontaneous road trip to a nearby town, take a dance class, cooking class, or wine tasting class together, hit up one of those canvas or pottery painting places, or go mini-golfing or to an arcade and pretend like you’re 17 again.
II. Heart Check: How Faith Influences Our Marriage
Matt and I have built our marriage upon the foundation of Jesus Christ. Because of this, it is important for both of us to regularly check in with ourselves and make sure our faith foundation is strong. We keep our faith strong by spending time in His word, praying frequently and getting into regular conversation about what God is doing in our lives and our marriage.
a. Importance of our own faith:
Let’s get real – connecting with God makes us each a better spouse. We are aligned in our efforts to have a marriage, family and life that reflects the love of Jesus Christ. For us to prioritize our marriage, we have to prioritize our individual relationships with God.
b. Couples Book Ideas:
Want some marriage inspiration from the professionals? 😉 Here are a few books we love:
- Fierce Marriage: Radically Pursuing Each Other in Light of Christ’s Relentless Love
- Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
- The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
- Communication in Marriage: How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Fighting
- Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It?
III. Communication and Intentional Connection:
In the marriage, communication is key. And I know that’s the cliche but it’s so true!
Here’s how we keep it real and stay connected:
a. Open and Honest Communication:
This takes practice. And then more practice. 😉 But the more you practice it, the more natural it becomes. Learn what the other person needs and how they communicate best. Share your dreams, fears, frustrations and areas where you need help. And one of my personal favorites that has been great for both of us to practice in marriage- ask how you can love the other person better and then listen. The best response here is a head nod and “I can try to do a better job with that.”
b. Quality Time with No Distractions:
Find a room in your house you don’t use often and put your phones in there. To connect on a deeper level, we set aside quality time without distractions. It’s like pressing pause on life and just being in the moment with each other.
c. Date Nights at Home:
I can’t emphasize this enough! At home dates are our jam in this season of life. When the kids go to bed, Matt and I love to spend time catching up on each other’s days and sometimes tuning into “our” show.
Final Note
One thing I remind myself is that love isn’t always grand gestures – it’s the little things we do every day to show our love and appreciation for each other. And the grace we give when certain days don’t bring out the best in us. 😉 So, let’s keep the love alive, one small action at a time!
